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© 1999 Brian F. Schreurs
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Some pages on Spacebears.com contain instructions. We do not guarantee your safety. Your life or death is not in our hands. You may not at any time follow or fail to follow our instructions. You must ignore them. Any diversion from total ignorance is at your own risk. Do not attempt anything at home. Do not attempt anything at work. Do not attempt anything anywhere.

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Don't touch that dial. Don't date two women at once. Don't inhale. Don't come crying to us if the world is a big mean place and everybody hates you.

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This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may link to this website freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Website is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity website. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental discretion advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from OJ. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this website could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Website is ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the website, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply.

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