Excerpts From S.H.A.L.T.

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Copyright © 1998-2003 Coltrane Productions.
All rights reserved.

Enter our writing contest!
Mona Lisa's 1,000 Words


...on playing the game:
The Game Operation Director is present to control the game.  This 
person (oops... being) has ultimate say over anything and every-
thing.  If the Game Operation Director says that a certain Ark-
turian is scared of shiny substances because of one of the player's
beings looked it in the eye, then by golly, that poor Arkturian
will never look at a coin again.  The Game Operation Director
should try to be neutral in all dealings, not favoring the play-
ers or the fictional beings.

...on the planet S.H.A.L.T.:

It is said that the Great Ones originally colonized the planet.
When they first came the planet was a useless ball of mud but
otherwise suitable for life.  The Great Ones constructed a re-
spectable sort of building in their name and promptly sent out
invitations to visit for whatever manner of known sentient life
there was at the time, which was not at all what there is now. Of
course, they came and the entire planet was eventually made one
giant city.  They then built it up to its industrial and commer-
cial standards that have fortunately been improved upon somewhat
since then.  The planet is totally neutral in all dealings and the
law is whatever the Great Ones dictate to the various military
powers who keep the place under control.  This means that punish-
ments for misdemeanors varies from army to army and when capture
is imminent it may be wise to just give oneself up to the Arktur-
ians instead of being caught by the Ooshneel.

...on Humans:

... In
fact, a large number of their race tend to be extremely spontan-
eous thinkers, rarely thinking ahead and almost never considering
the possible consequences of their actions.  The few that do are
actually considered "weird" and are usually told to shut up and
leave the decisions to the leaders. ...

...on Neptunian Space Bears:

... Still,
the Space Bear scientists were quite certain that no other intel-
ligent life existed in Sol System because it was too warm every-
where else, until a Voyager-class satellite rudely crash-landed
into the front yard of a Space Bear home. ...

...on languages:

There are two separate categories of languages:  fluent and non-
fluent.  A fluent languages is one where a being can talk to any-
one else fluent in that language and speak just as well as a
native.  A nonfluent language is a language where the being can
speak well enough to get ideas across but will invariably make
mistakes in pronunciation, grammar, and will occasionally use the
wrong words.  The disadvantage to this is that mistakes in usage
may not be forgiven by particularly hostile natives. ...

...on racial relations:

... The Dascoids also dislike the Rei Noo Mai be-
cause of the silly Rei Noo Mai custom to eat fungus whenever
meeting a being for the first time.  As such, whenever a Rei Noo
Mai meets a Dascoid for the first time, the Rei Noo Mai will try
to eat the closest fungus -- usually the Dascoid.