Bust Bob's Chops
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© 1999 Brian F. Schreurs
Even we have a disclaimer.
Related Pages | "Fervent wishes for 1999... that we will all get straight, once and for all, about when The Next Millennium begins." |  |
It's true that the less literate segment of the population, the "great unwashed," may be oblivious to the fact that the next millennium doesn't start until January 1, 2001. It's unfortunate that our education system has degraded to where our citizens can't figure out that to end the 20th century, you need to count that high; or that they don't realize there's no Year Zero, which is the root cause of the problem to begin with.
Sad, sad, sad. And quite beside the point.
By now most people -- at least, the people most likely to matter -- have read on the back of a calendar or in a newspaper that the new century and millennium begins with 2001. Or, more likely, they've seen it on the History Channel, carefully explained by some otherwise-inconsequential professor at a university no one has heard of.
And nobody cares.
2000 is a nice, big round number and people like big round numbers. It's such a big round number that it's only come around once before on the current calendar. The population's education was even worse back at Year 1000; so bad, most people didn't even realize they were celebrating the beginning of the second millennium.
This may even cause a basic, instinctive understanding that we have to make up for last time.
The only way the change in millennium is going to affect us -- overblown Y2K bug aside -- is with the size of the parties and ridiculousness of the media hype. Pretend we're celebrating the end of the current millennium if it's so upseting that we're getting ahead by a year.
The celebrations are going to be spectacular. They're going to be worldwide. It might even distract us from our usual wars and human degradation for a few minutes. Even the Millennium Geeks, the ones screaming that everyone's getting excited over the wrong year, might accidentally have some fun if they can release the death grip on their electronic calendars.
Repeat after me: it's not the millennium, it's the zeroes. 2000 is a nice, big round number. Real big. Real round. Don't mess up the beauty by trying to tack a "1" on the end. We don't need it.
Relax. Grab a pointy hat and a kazoo. Practice having fun in 1999 so maybe by the next millennium you'll get the hang of it.